You Can See My House From Here!

I am about to write in this space a joke that some people would find extremely offensive. Then, I’m going to follow up that writing with a few things that are, truly, actually, offensive.

The joke: What is the difference between Jesus Christ and a picture of Jesus Christ?

It only takes one nail to hang the picture.


If you find that joke offensive, then my bet is that you’ll have a greater problem finding the offense in the story about the Jesus Doll, which is something I really don’t understand.

If you ain’t heard the story: Toy manufacturer that makes a doll that resembles Jesus Christ that sputters scripture offers a few gross of the toy to the Marines for Toys for Tots. Marines, realizing they can’t keep the toys from being routed to Muslims and Jews and such, turn down the very generous offer. Toy manufacturer is nonplussed.

What confuses me is this: Wasn’t God crystal clear in the Bible about how he felt about golden calves? I don’t understand how any Christian in any fashion could support the idea of distributing these Jesus Joes to anyone. And yet: “This is just more proof that there’s a war on Christmas and Christianity in this country,” says Robert Marley of the Coalition to Save Christmas in Massachusetts.

Dear goodness. My country is doomed.

I mean. This is what Robert Marley gets all exercised over. This. Not a book called If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened by Orenthal James Simpson. Just in time for the shopping season! Makes a great gift!

Can we chase this man to live in Michael Jackson’s poolhouse in Bahrain, please? And would someone nail some sort of declaration to somebody’s church door again, please? They. Need. A. REMINDER.


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