Category Archives: Sports

Manny Vs. Money

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The hat I’ve been wearing all week says “Pacquiao vs. Hatton.”

Only yesterday did I get called out on the hat, by the man who sold me a certain ethyl orange juice additive.

He misremembered the fight, though, recalling it as the one where Manny Pacquiao suffered a rare KO (three in his career). I corrected him. Ricky Hatton, previously undefeated in the light welterweight class, was knocked down twice in round one and KO’d in round two by a single hit to the right side of his head.

It was a smart move by Pacquiao. He sort of telegraphs with his right and then brings in his left to clobber Hatton, whose troubles are exacerbated by the fact that he’s clearly OUT by the punch and so has no way to stop his head from hitting the canvas when he lands.

Therefore, my hat is kind of funny. Because the fight it touts ended up not being much of a fight at all. In fact, it pretty much finished Ricky Hatton’s pugilistic career.

I’m wearing it this week of course because it was announced that Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather Jr. have at last agreed to terms to meet in the ring on May 2. I have not read yet how they circumvented the testing issue, (probably with something technically and legally referred to as “buckets and buckets of money”) but at long last, Manny and Money will meet in the ring.

After that, I reckon boxing is pretty much over.

A nice way to start your day: You walk downstairs and, taped to the door of the pizza shop that used to live next-door to me but moved across the street six months ago, is a sign that says: East Avenue Pizza Shop and Deli coming soon! And there’s a big pile of lumber in there!

Yay!

A bad way to end my day: Losing my f&%‪#‎ing‬ debit card.

BAD. BAD BAD BAD. (S’okay, I cancelled it immediately.)

Congratulations to the Cleveland Browns on their new logo and presentation standards.

browns_logo

You Can’t Handle the Mute

Rivalry? What rivalry?

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I remember the pep rallies.

We, the marching band, would play that dirge, and they’d sing: Poor, poor Ravens, the worst is yet to come.

Then I think we burned a big stuffed Raven in effigy.

They were the Ravenna Ravens, and we were told that we, the Roosevelt Rough Riders, had a rivalry with them. And so we played the dirge, and we strung up the fake stuffed bird, and we awaited the game on Friday.

It was a competitive rivalry. Sometimes the Ravens won. Sometimes we won. That’s what made the rivalry interesting. There was always the precious threat in the air that our football game against this most despised rival of ours would not go our way.

Because we could lose. I mean there was a chance. And that is what fed the rivalry.

Which brings me to the Cleveland Browns, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the Baltimore Ravens.

In the last decade, the Pittsburgh Steelers have played in three Super Bowl games and have won two Lombardi trophies.

The Baltimore Ravens have played in one Super Bowl game and have won one trophy.

The Browns have not qualified for playoffs in a decade.

In 2010, the Baltimore Ravens were a potential obstacle for the Steelers, challenging them in the divisional championship game. In 2011 and 2012, the Ravens bested the Steelers, taking first in the AFC North.

The Browns have not qualified for playoffs in a decade.

Where’s the rivalry?

If we can agree that a rival should be a worthy competitor, then, Browns fans, you are trumpeting every football season about a rivalry that no longer holds and has not for some time.

Many Pittsburgh fans opted to recognize its rivalry with the team from Cleveland what moved south in 1996, now known as the Baltimore Ravens.

I think they’re right.

And yet, every year I hear from Browns fans. Predictable memes about how bad the Steelers suck. It’s usually early in the season; this year, it was in week six, when the Browns blew the Steelers out 32-10. Last year, it was in week four, when the joke of the season was “knock knock,” “who’s there,” “owen,” “owen who?” “0-4!” (This was the Steelers’ record at the time.)

The Browns ended up FOUR AND TWELVE.

Do you believe in the whatever high atop the thing yet?

Cleveland fans need to face it. There is no longer a credible rivalry between the Cleveland Browns and the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers will face their legitimate rival at 8:15 p.m. Saturday in the wild card round.

And they’re Ravens, too.

Source Material

2004
Steelers: 15 – 1, won the AFC North. Won divisional playoffs versus New York Jets, lost AFC championship to New England Patriots.
Ravens: 9-7, second in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.
Browns: 4-12, fourth in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2005
Steelers: 11 – 5, second in the AFC North. Won wild card playoffs versus Cincinnati Bengals. Won AFC championships versus Denver Broncos. Won Super Bowl XL versus Seattle Seahawks.
Ravens: 6-10, tied for third in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.
Browns: 6-10, tied for third in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2006
Ravens: 13-3, first in the AFC North. Lost divisional playoffs to Indianapolis Colts.
Steelers: 8-8, third in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.
Browns: 4-12, fourth in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2007
Steelers: 10-6, first in the AFC North. Lost wild card playsoff to Jacksonville Jaguars.
Browns, 10-6, second in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.
Ravens: 5-11, fourth in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2008
Steelers: 12-4, first in the AFC North. Won divisional playoffs versus San Diego Chargers, won AFC championship versus Baltimore Ravens, won Super Bowl XLIII versus Arizona Cardinals
Ravens: 11-5, second in the AFC North. Won wild card playoffs versus Miami Dolphins, won divisional playoffs versus Tennessee Titans, lost conference championship to the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Browns: 4-12, fourth in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2009
Ravens: 9-7, second in the AFC North. Won wild card playoffs versus New England Patriots, lost divisional playoffs versus Indianapolis Colts.
Steelers: 9-7, third in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.
Browns: 5-11, fourth in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2010
Steelers: 12-4, first in the AFC North. Won divisional playoffs versus Baltimore Ravens, won AFC championship playoffs versus New York Jets, lost Super bowl XLV to Green Bay Packers.
Ravens: 12-4, second in the AFC North. Won wild card playoffs versus Kansas City Chiefs, lost AFC divisional playoffs to Pittsburgh Steelers.
Browns: 5-11, third in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2011
Ravens: 12-4, first in the AFC North. Won divisional playoffs versus Houston Texans, lost AFC championship game to New England Patriots.
Steelers: 12-4, second in the AFC North. Lost wild card playoffs to Denver Broncos.
Browns: 4-12, fourth in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2012
Ravens: 10-6, first in the AFC North. Won wild card playoffs versus Indianapolis Colts, won divisional playoffs versus Denver Broncos, won Super Bowl XLVII versus San Francisco 49ers.
Steelers: 8-8, third in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.
Browns: 5-11, fourth in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2013
Steelers: 8-8 Second in the AFC north. Did not qualify for playoffs.
Ravens: 8-8, third in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.
Browns: 4-12, fourth in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

2014
Steelers: 11 – 5, first in the AFC North.
Ravens: 10-6, third in the AFC North.
Browns: 7-9, fourth in the AFC North. Did not qualify for playoffs.

Encroachment

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“In gridiron football, encroachment refers to when before the snap, a defensive player illegally crosses the line of scrimmage and makes contact with an opponent or has a clear path to the quarterback.”

It can at times offer a team’s opponent a 14-point advantage at a crucial time in the football game. See Bills, Buffalo.

In Other News
Remember when Wolf Blitzer was talking to that tornado survivor and was inexplicably all like “you gotta thank the Lord, right,” and she’s like, “I’m actually an atheist?” Her whole story is actually pretty charming.

Includes kitteh goodness.

Ready for Some Football

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I am soon to become a 45-year-old man, but I have only just recently developed a genuine affection for the sport that we Americans know as “football.”

These days on Sunday I try to flip on the Bills game as I get ready for work, and then I tune the radio to 96.5 FM in the car the rest of the way. I like the sound a football broadcast makes. It sounds like fall. And I like that I’ve thought enough about the game at this point to have formulated some opinions. To have picked some teams. And to know why.

When I was 10, I lived in Pittsburgh for a semester. Someone bought me a knit hat that was yellow and black and had the Steelers’ logo up front. Then we moved to Northeast Ohio.

Let’s just say I only wore that hat once afterwards.

I didn’t know enough from football to have the sophistication to know that wearing a Steelers hat in Browns country might cause you some mischief. I was cold and I had a hat. That’s all I knew.

There was the recess when I was surrounded by five to seven boys who proceeded to quiz me about the basics of football. Drilled me they did. I didn’t know the answers. I remember trying to keep walking away from this crew, but they persisted. They had a point to make.

So football and I never really got along.

Thing is, if you’re a fella, life’s a little easier if you’re interested in football. It’s an additional distraction to keep your brain occupied. It’s small talk with the bartender or simpatico with a neighbor. It’s a realm of current events you can use to create conversation that is irrelevant to the touchy world of politics. You can even argue about football, but the nice thing is that those disagreements don’t actually affect your lives. Not really. So I always wanted to be a fan.

Now, a little older maybe, little more patience maybe, I dunno. I find myself developing an interest.

Now. I have three teams I watch for various reasons. I keep an eye on the Green Bay Packers because they are the only sports franchise in the United States that isn’t owned by a corporation. I watch the Pittsburgh Steelers because that’s my homeland and because you know, of the big kid chasing me up a tree and stuff; and of course, I watch the Bills because I can actually watch their games.

So far this week so good. The Bills defeated Carolina in the game’s last moments while the Packers were rather heavy handed with that team from Washington, D.C. who actually play in Maryland. And those Stillers play Cincinnatah tomorrow.

Menopause, Menopause, Get Hot, Flashes!

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Kent State is tied with the Zippahs for first in the MAC. I assume Saturday’s game, Akron at Kent, will settle that tie. Bear in mind that the conference winner cinches a spot in the 64. This is my alma mater we’re talking about, people. Get happy.

Meanwhile, in the Big 12, Kansas is third at 12-4 behind Texas and Okie State. Texas Tech, home to Coach Bobby “If you could throw a chair at any historical figure, who would it be?” Knight, is 9-7. Meanwhile in the ACC…North Carolina? Where are you? Hello? Dook, State, the Terps and Virginia are kicking yer asses. Isn’t that something?