A Method For Perfect Hamburgers

Making hamburgers at home is a complicated deal. You wouldn’t think so. But it is. You need the correct mixture, the correct spice, and the correct shape and width. That’s hard to do unless you work for MacDaniels.

Unless you own a KitchenAid and a couple of saucers, like you put under a coffee cup. Then it’s easy.

First, chop up a couple of onion pencils with the scissors and throw them into the KitchenAid bowl with the egg. Throw in three quarters cup bread crumbs or stove top or something. Three teaspoons of evaporated milk. Half teaspoon salt and a dash of pepper, preferably fresh ground. A dash of horseradish or some other acerbic tango you can stand. Goosh it up with the awesome power of the KitchenAid. You’ll start on speed one but will eventually have to resort to speed three as you throw in the two pounds or so of ground forkfull by forkfull.

Then, get a bunch of saucers and pull some of the meat mix out with a fork and beat and shape it into the saucer. Use less meat than you think you need. Spread it thin and beat on the edges. Don’t be afraid to mash it deeply into the plate. I’ve tried this before only to struggle to slip the mess into the skillet. It won’t come loose with a spatula. But you’re not worried about that. Just pack it tight and thin as possible.

Then flip it upside-down onto a hot skillet, saucer and all.

Within five minutes, the meat will cook enough that it will fall off of the plate of its own accord. And you will have a patty that is thin enough and of the absolutely perfect shape.

What if you’re doing this for the grill? I figure you can pre-cook the meat to very rare this way and then drag them out to the fire. Not to mention, this is a practical way to prepare patties at 2 p.m. that are meant to be consumed at 5 p.m. That would leave less guesswork to the barbecue chef and fewer burgers under or over cooked.

As I said. Learning is yummy.

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