What Is Wrong With People

So, this is a post about shitting. Specifically, about me shitting. So, if you don’t want to read about me shitting or about shitting generally, you may just move on.

I usually shit every day at 4:30 right after my day at work. It’s just when it happens, and getting it done before my admittedly short drive home just makes the drive a happier experience. I could wait because my home is literally less than a mile away from where I work. But that’s a longer distance if you’ve gone eight hours without shitting. Plus, it makes it possible to run errands on the way home, which I would not want to attempt without shitting before leaving the work-job. I generally despise shitting in a public restroom, but this just seems to be better strategic move and better logistically. Plus that time seems to be a fairly low-volume time for the men’s in the front. So: I leave my stuff at my desk, I clock out, I go shit, I wash my hands, then I go get my stuff and leave. It works. Usually.

Except today, I had to shit at lunchtime, which is usually about 2 p.m. I mean, you know. HAD to.

So I clocked out and made my way to the front head. I was in luck. It was completely empty. I made my way to my favorite stall (the one where rolling out the TP sounds like a TARDIS engine), prepped, and sat. Now this was going to be a particularly farty shit. There is no denying this. I knew it. I even gave an initial courtesy flush during the initial run. And bear in mind my position: The handicapped stall is to my right and there are at least four other stalls to my left. I am literally the only shitter in the room.

So I’m executing this ladylike shit of mine, and a guy walks in. And he doesn’t hesitate. His gait has no pause, no pondering, no decisions in it, no weighing out values and societal norms. He hears the farting shitting mess in my stall and decides yeah man. I wanna sit in the stall next to that. And, he does. He enters the stall right next to me, despite his embarrassing wealth of choices farther way, and he preps up, sits down, and proceeds to blow his nose.

I’m appalled. I’m taken aback, and I’m certainly feeling shy. What the living fuck? Dude had a fat luxury of many stalls away from me, and his choice is to have a poop buddy? I thought about introducing myself, maybe going for daps under the wall, hey man, how’s it hangin, that kind of thing. Instead, I decided…you wanted to sit next to this? You got it, pal.

I gave it everything I had. No courtesy flushing. No shyness. I just exhausted every bit of supply I had, as quickly, as noisily, and as mercilessly as I possibly could. Then I finished my ablutions and went my merry way.

But. Seriously people. There are rules. I think it’s in the Constitution somewhere.

On The Basis of Sects

“Well, if that’s how you think you want to spend your time.” (Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s initial response to her nephew Daniel Stiepleman when he pitched her the idea of making a movie based on the first case she ever argued with her late husband Marty)

So, Sunday my Uncle Hat and I saw a movie. He is here for family business and also for a bit of fun here in Rochester New York. And there are some movies he ain’t seen. So we have been going to some movies.

Today we saw On The Basis Of Sex, the new biopic of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Enjoyed it well. I am glad to note that RBG herself finds the portrayal to be mostly accurate, largely because she was profoundly involved in the project. And it is a fine film, though I did find myself going over the laundry list that most biopics seem obligated to tick off. This film does everything you anticipate it to do. Here’s her first day at Harvard, where the professor calls on two men before being placed into a force to call on Ginsburg, whose answer is far superior. Here’s her fighting with the chauvinistic dean. Here’s how she found her landmark case. Blah blah blah. Check, check, check.

Fortunately, this movie does it well. Really well. No Oscar love for this thing–not even Original Screenplay, Academy? Really? Oh, well. Perhaps there’s too much RBG power in the nominations with the two nominations of the documentary of that particular honorific. But it is a fine film. A little rote, but well done.

Anyways, since I’m writing movies today, let’s for my own reference most of all list all the Oscar-nominated films I’ve seen…and, go: A Star Is Born, The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs, BlacKkKlansman, Bohemian Rhapsody, The Favourite, Vice.

Wow. I’ve really got some work to do.

Mostly Cloudy Day

Upcoming Album Releases
Jan. 18 Why Hasn’t Everything Already Disappeared by Deerhunter
Mint by Alice Merton
The Unseen In Between by Steve Gunn
Remind Me Tomorrow by Sharon Van Etten (Atlantic review)
Heard It In A Past Life by Maggie Rogers (NPR feature)
Assume Form by James Blake
Jan. 25 Feral Roots by Rival Sons
Feb. 1 Gallipoli by Beirut
Encore by The Specials
Feb. 15 Triage by Methyl Ethel
March 8 There Will Be No Intermission by Amanda Palmer
April 26 In The End by The Cranberries (Rolling Stone article)

TV
Jan. 17 Grey’s Anatomy

Other Upcoming Events
Feb. 7 Michael Cohen to testify before Congressional committee.

Time to Answer Back

Dear editors everywhere: The letter “a” with an acute accent has an ALT code of 0225. This means if you go to your keyboard and press the “ALT” button and then press “0-2-2-5,” the symbol “á” will appear.

This is going to become important because Julián Castro has just announced that he is running for president.

Now, that leads to an obvious question: Why in the wide wide world of sports does the name Julián require the accent? Well, let’s see. His name ends in the letter “n.” This means that by regular rules of pronunciation in Spanish, the emphasis would be on the second to last syllable. So, without the accent, the man’s name is Ju-LEE-an. And that just doesn’t sound right.

I for one am glad that the name Julián Castro requires an accent because it’s not potentially bothersome enough to Trump voters for me that his last name is “Castro.”

I mean I say that tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, I am struck by an overwhelming feeling that it’s important for the Democratic party to nominate a brown person and/or a female person in 2020.

Because I think that all of this needs to be answered.

All of this. You know, don’t you, that Trump’s first major platform plank was an attack on our neighbors south of Tejas, right? I mean, first he presented his erection about the crowd’s size. Then, he rattled through ISIS, China, and Japan. And then he laid the cornerstone:

When do we beat Mexico at the border? They’re laughing at us, at our stupidity. And now they are beating us economically. They are not our friend, believe me. But they’re killing us economically.

The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else’s problems.

Thank you. It’s true, and these are the best and the finest. When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

The first thing Trump attacked was our neighbors to the south. And he continued to be his Donald Trump self, bludgeoning people of color, people who speak Spanish, both, and women. He insulted Carly Fiorina’s appearance. He associated anchor Megyn Kelly with blood. He has repeatedly chased down Sen. Elizabeth Warren with an insult club called “Pocahontas.” He has separated children from their families and still maintains concentrations camps for those children, based solely on those peoples’ legitimate quest for asylum in the United States and because they are brown people. He said that a judge ruled against him due to the judge’s Mexican heritage. He referenced some nations as “shithole countries.” He pardoned Joe Arpaio. He made a major issue of American citizens, also known as “football players,” for legitimately protesting the state of race relations in the United States. He asked reporter April Ryan to establish a meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus for him because she was a black woman who asked him about the Congressional Black Caucus.

And then there was Charlottesville. Remember Charlottesville? “On both sides?” Really?

As I think of the Democratic primary process and as talented, smart people begin to toss their hats in, I have to think at this point that we have a chance to answer all of this, a chance to clap back, a chance to raise a fist and to declare ENOUGH!

Yes, Julián Castro’s name requires an accent. So, I believe, does the Democratic nomination process.

After All

Did you ever get the feeling that music has gotten away from you? How many SNL musical guests have you watched and wondered when music became so irrelevant, so much flash, so much backing tape? Have yinz crazed a new record that isn’t Cardi B but that isn’t country music talked over snaps either?

Hi. Rob Baird here. I gotcha.

Seriously. Baird’s new album, After All, released today, is real music. Highly recommended.

Upcoming Album Releases
Jan. 18 Why Hasn’t Everything Already Disappeared by Deerhunter
Mint by Alice Merton
The Unseen In Between by Steve Gunn
Remind Me Tomorrow by Sharon Van Etten
Jan. 25 Feral Roots by Rival Sons
Feb. 1 Gallipoli by Beirut
March 8 There Will Be No Intermission Amanda Palmer

TV
Jan. 17 Grey’s Anatomy

Other Upcoming Events
Feb. 7 Michael Cohen to testify before Congressional committee.

This Wins The Internet Today

(Replete with comments on Reddit)






Upcoming Album Releases
Jan. 11 After All by Rob Baird
You Tell Me
Jan. 18 Why Hasn’t Everything Already Disappeared by Deerhunter
Mint by Alice Merton
The Unseen In Between by Steve Gunn
Remind Me Tomorrow by Sharon Van Etten
Jan. 25 Feral Roots by Rival Sons
Feb. 1 Gallipoli by Beirut
March 8 There Will Be No Intermission Amanda Palmer

Happy New Year 2019

I think the most astonishing thing about 2018 was that Childish Gambino dropped “This Is America” all the way back in May, and not much changed. I found that work to be so astonishing, so direct, so urgent that I half expected it to plunge a sword into the planet and cause a massive ripple of awareness planet-wide. But instead it dried up and blew away just like the Charles Atlas bully said, just like everything does.

It is 2019 now for 26 minutes, and I am watching the entertainment on the ABC. The first music I heard in 2019 was a live performance by somebody named Post Malone. There was no band, not even a group of stand-ins pretending to be a band, just him, just this guy saying these things into a microphone as if he’s singing. Now this other chick is on the TV lip-syncing something into a microphone. And the weird part to me is that all the kids in the audience know all the words to all of these songs, and they’re singing along like she’s singing “Free Bird.” Okay wait, I figured it out. The one on my TV right now is somebody named Camila Cabello, and she is singing her new hit single, “I’ll Never Be The Same.”

I sure am glad I don’t have to like that shitty music. There’s enough good music that I don’t have to know all the words to Post Malone songs and Camila Cabello songs.

Well, nothing to do but toast with a shot of Jager and go to sleep. I gotta work tomorrow. Yes, that’s right. I’m one of the suckers working New Year’s Day. Woot.

He’s Such A Charmer Oh No

Buh-bye 2018

Zappadan 2018…Day 17. I Knew You’d Be Surprised

Zappadan always goes so fast.

I didn’t do as much here as I had thought I would. I haven’t in recent years. It’s difficult to blog about a single topic for 17 days straight and to do it with a new angle.

But, Zappadan these days is not so much about the blogging. I spent some time watching some really great kids doing some serious vlogging, and they managed to make it to pretty much every blessed night. I learned much from these vlog sessions and will probably revisit them. You should note that these two sometimes got chat from some weird old guy. They were extremely nice to their party crasher.

Lot of activity over at the @zappadan Twitter. And, I tried to document the activity over at zappadan.com. I will be adding more stuff and cleaning it up as I have time, and I think I’m going to try to blog over there year-round.

I like the Zappadan thing. It’s weird. But it makes me expand my appreciation. I ended up taking on a few more albums, including Sleep Dirt, which I managed to find on vinyl; The Roxy Performances, Chicago ’78, Little Dots, the Road Tapes albums, Finer Moments. All highly recommended listens, and all brand new to me this year.

And I think if I realized something about Frank this year, it’s that yeah, he was a great musician, a spouter of various wisdom, a brave stalwart versus authority’s fists, and just plain altogether an attitude.

I think the greatest thing about Zappa was that he was the ultimate music fan.

And I think that’s what makes Frank Zappa so undeniable to those of us who revere him.

Merry Zappadan.