Rochester Mayor Lovely Warren: I’m A Clone

Rochester, NY — Rochester Mayor Lovely Warren confirmed today that she is a clone and has many ‘sister’ clones spread throughout North America and Europe, all part of an illegal human cloning experiment.

“Alongside my foster brother Felix and two of my fellow clones, Alison and Cosima, I discovered the origin of the clones: a scientific movement called Neolution,” said Warren at a well-attended press conference on Monday. “I eventually discovered that I was wanted by the police and by a secret religious group, the Proletheans, a faction of which carries out the clone assassinations because they believe us to be abominations.”

Warren said she initially ran for City Council in 2007 to avoid capture by the clearly sinister Neolutionists and Proletheans and to help her and her sister clones to give sense to her life and origin.

Warren, now known as “Number Four,” won the 2013 Democratic primary over incumbent mayor Thomas Richards 57 percent to 42 percent.

“There’s more,” added Warren before abruptly ending the press event. “Cylons have the ability to mimic human form. They look like us now.”

Warren would not confirm nor deny whether or not embattled judge Leticia Astacio was somehow involved.

Hey Now

“I actually did an audition down here. I believe it was in the rink down here. They called me the night before for a commercial, and they said, do you know how to ice skate? And I said, uh yes–lying. And, I called my friend, and I said, you’ve got to teach me how to ice skate. And he said okay, meet me–and I said uh, no, tell me on the phone.

“Anyway, down here, I said I’m so embarrassed, and the guy got up on an a-frame ladder, and he said okay, this is an audition, there were 200 of us, and I said I’m going to be so embarrassed, and he said all right! This is your audition! AND SKATE!

“And 200 actors fell down.

“That’s true.”

(Jeffrey Tambor, on Late Night with Seth Meyers)

Don’t Fool Yourself. It’s Winkin’ At You.

So many things. Let’s start with this.

This is a training week at work. As such, one’s eyes wander, and mine today noticed the following sign on a co-worker’s cubicle:

“DOCUMENT LIKE COMEY.”

Heh.


I keep seeing articles on the Interwebs like this one at Vox saying, essentially, oh no, Mr. Bill, the Republicans are finally going to destroy the Affordable Care Act. Look out.

Here’s the thing, kids. They already have.

See, President Obama understood a fundamental thing about health care reform in these Untied States. He understood fundamentally that legislation alone was not enough to affect reform. He understood that the legislation would only be effective as the policy it manifested. “Obamacare” understood, for example, that you can’t demand that insurance companies stop screwing with people with “pre-existing” conditions unless the policy worked to make the pool larger, and that the only way to do that was to bring younger, healthier folks to the table. Thus the mandate. Plus, you had to offer the insurance companies a bridge to walk until transition happened from this pool to that pool. Thus, the vital corridor payments, which were meant to provide certainty to these corporate persons, to pay out to those who took too many cuts because they can no longer screw people whose only crime was to have a cancer or a sneeze before trying to become insured.

Marco Rubio killed the risk corridor payment.

Plus you had states out-and-out refuse the Medicare expansion and participation in the exchanges, which was stupid and drove free money out of those states, and lack of participation in the exchanges led to a heavier load on the federal Web site for registering people, which led it to fail, but did you see President Obama tweet about the “losers” who were slapping the ACA’s ass to pinkish? No. You did not.

So the risk corridor payments ended. And then you saw companies leave the exchanges and raise rates. And then the Republicans began claiming that the ACA was “imploding.”

The Affordable Care Act would have been an excellent reform had it been allowed to work. It addressed not only the law but the policy that followed. That is what made it so smart. That is what made its potential to work so powerful.

It was good policy. Therefore, Republicans hate it.

You can’t just make a law that says that you get to keep your kid on the health care dole until they are 26. You don’t get to dismantle the whole infrastructure of “Obamacare” and keep the things people like. You don’t get to do those things unless your legislation is backed up by policy. Anything the Republigoats pass here won’t do that. The ACA did that.

That is why the Senate Republigoats won’t let it see the light of day.

Because all they have is a “repeal.”

They don’t have a “replace.”

They never will.

Wrist-watch. Crisco.


The Force Is Strong In These Underpants

When I was in the Target shopping for underpants last week, the underpants that I prefer waved their underpants hands in the air mysteriously and said “these are not the underpants you are looking for.”

That is how, I am certain, I woke up this morning to find that the box of fresh new underpants that I had brought home that day were SIZE MEDIUM, BRIEFS underpants.

I can only hope that The Force is not so strong in my receipt.