Phallus on the Play

Patriots’ wide receiver Kendrick Bourne grabbed the first touchdown pass in Bills-Patriots yesterday at Highmark Stadium yesterday, fourth and goal with 4:12 remaining in the third quarter. This and the extra kick made the score 33-10 and dildo.

Yes, a fan saw fit to throw this gigantic rubber penis onto the field following the Patriots’ first scoring play. And, it’s not the first time this has happened. In fact, it’s become somewhat of a tradition since 2016. Oh, yes. You can bet on it.

To Sir, With Love

First of all, how about them Buffalo Bills, as of today AFC East champions for the second straight season! Let’s see who’s up Saturday… hmmmmm…Patriots? Chargers?

UPDATE: Patriots.

Second, I was shocked to read about the passing of the world champion of telling the “the Aristocrats” joke, Bob Saget. I really hate it when the funny ones die.

Third, To Sir, With Love.

Propelled by the recent death of Sidney Poitier, after the Big Sunday Dinner, we landed on this for a movie. And, I mean, it’s all right. Dated. Kind of weird. Kind of after-school special. Lulu as that generation’s Adele. Contrived situations that kind of make no sense. An extended dance scene betwixt teacher and student without even the benefit of John Travolta’s choreography. It’s kind of a squeaker. Better than Birdman, I reckon.

But without it, is there a Dead Poet’s Society?

Yeah, probably. Maybe we should have gone with Lilies in the Field.

Try The Reuben

The bar stool upon which I sat today at lunch was crooked, and it wobbled. Either that or I kept encountering a divot in the floor. I am not certain which was the case. Regardless, my seat had a wobble.

This is not the kind of thing one experiences at the newest latest pub. I did not have a wobbly bar stool when I had lunch at Bar Louie Saturday because I took my car in because the front tires were regularly losing up to 10PSI, and when the mechanics perched her up on the rack, they discovered my brakes were nearly gone and offered to replace them, so I ended up having a meal at Bar Louie next-door, and I can assure you that my bar stool did not wobble there.

No, that wobbly bar stool is a well-earned scar at a joint called J.B. Quimby’s Public House, which is an old-shitters’ joint and one of the finest pubs in western New York and certainly in all the land. Quimby’s has dings and pock marks, and it has earned them and wears them with swagger. And today I had the pleasure of lunch there with my Dad and my brother, and it was really good. I had the reuben melt, and it was delicious. Dad had the Cuban with these cheesy potatoes that must be experienced because they were delicious. My brother had a quesadilla.

During this excursion, we took in a football game on the television. We watched the Buffalo Bills play the New Orleans Saints right here in Buffalo.

The team from the Big Easy ended up besting the Bills 47-10. As quoted in the Democrat and Chronicle today, linebacker Preston Brown said “We weren’t good.”

Having discussed my really nice Sunday today, I share this. For reasons. From the book Illusions, by Richard Bach:

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river.

The current of the river swept silently over them all—young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self.

Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth.

But one creature said at last, “I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom.”

The other creatures laughed and said, “Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!”

But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.

Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.

And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, “See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!”

And the one carried in the current said, “I am no more Messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.”

But they cried the more, “Savior!” all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a Savior.


Bengals: Oh, hey, Steelers, how are you?
Steelers: Not good.
Bengals: How come?
Steelers: Well, see, we were beating you guys the whole game pretty much and then you guys scored and now you’re like totally gonna win the game.
Bengals: Oh, that’s terrible!
Steelers: Indeed.
Bengals: Well, I wish there was something we could do to help you out with that.
Steelers: Well…
Bengals: What? Don’t be shy. Just ask.
Steelers: Well, you could commit a flagrant foul in the last minute of the game.
Bengals: Hey! There’s an idea! Say if we…hmmm…popped one of your guys in the head after the play ended?
Steelers: Yeah! That’d be good for at least 15 yards and a first down!
Bengals: Okay! We’ll do it!
Steelers: Sigh.
Bengals: Now what?
Steelers: It’s just that…that’s a mighty long ways away for a field goals, still.
Bengals: Oh, right. I see what you mean…Okay. I have an idea.
Steelers: What?
Bengals: How about after we commit the flagrant foul, four or five of us will ARGUE WITH THE REFS ABOUT THE FLAG!
Steelers: Oh, wow! You’d do that for us? Could one of you really get in the ref’s face? Maybe even a little bit of touching?
Bengals: Why not?
Steelers: Wow, that would really put us in range for a field goal! That would be great, thank you!
Bengals: No, Steelers. Thank you!

18-16, Steelers.


In gridiron football, encroachment refers to when before the snap, a defensive player illegally crosses the line of scrimmage and makes contact with an opponent or has a clear path to the quarterback.

It can at times offer a team’s opponent a 14-point advantage at a crucial time in the football game. See Bills, Buffalo.

In Other News

Remember when Wolf Blitzer was talking to that tornado survivor and was inexplicably all like “you gotta thank the Lord, right,” and she’s like, “I’m actually an atheist?” Her whole story is actually pretty charming.

Includes kitteh goodness.