Dear Miley Cyrus,

I would like to give you some career advice now. And here it is: Go away.

Here’s what you do. Drop out of sight for oh, five years. Move to western North Carolina. Find Jesus. Get married and start a family. Grow your hair back. Learn how to wear cowboy boots and maybe even how to ride a horse. Eat some barbecue. Hunt some deer. Pick a driver.

And work during that time on crafting a beautiful country album.

Yes, Miley. Country. It’s your legacy. And it’s the genre you’re kind of built for. I can see the album cover, even. Release the album, write a book, play the Opry.

It’s a much, much better path. And I might even buy that album.

What you’re doing right now? It’s not that you showed people your ass and bounced it up and down. It’s not that you flashed fake gang signs or whatever.

It’s that it was * awful *.

Go away. Do some growing. Then come back and lay us down some honky-tonk.

Aaron B. Pryor

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

We’ll Be the Pirate Twins Again

Blue moon Tuesday seems like as good a time as any to bloviate a little about life at addresses outside of our own solar system.

So the CIA has at last acknowledged Area 51 but continues to deny the obvious truth that they are harboring big ugly green alien corpses.

Meanwhile, two of my favorite cosmologists have been doing some public speculating on the possibilities and likelihoods regarding extraterrestrial life. I find both of their periods of speculation to be a bit weird.

Stephen Hawking warns that our first contact with space aliens is gonna be all like Cortes to the Aztecs.


We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet. I imagine they might exist in massive ships … having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach.

Neil deGrasse Tyson has countered by theorizing that if sophisticated alien life did manage to find us, we’d be of as little interest to us as a worm is to you when you’re shuffling down the sidewalk.

Tyson even fancifully supposes in a few scenarios that alien beings have already visited but unfortunately the first place they found was Central Park, so they blended in really well. :: rimshot :: This and all this other talk about our first contact I think belies the real issue, that the odds of us meeting up with humanoid creatures not created on Earth are infinitesimal.

Not that I don’t think we will never discover life outside of our own little planet. I do, and in fact I have a hard-core belief that we will discover life elsewhere by the end of this century. I have obsessed for quite some time over the speculation that Europa, a moon of Jupiter, is likely teeming with life forms.

Europa, see, has water. And water contains 1/3 of all of the elements required to create life: Carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, phosphorus, sulfur. Europa also has an unusual warming trend because its gravitational relationship with Jupiter causes a tidal effect that allows for an ocean to possibly exist underneath its icy exterior. I’m probably not doing this thing justice, so here’s a Wiki article.

Now I’m reading that scientists are theorizing about another spot where life might spawn, another moon. Titan, of Saturn. According to this article, if we did find life there, it wouldn’t necessarily be made of creatures you need a microscope to see. Titan’s lakes, the thinking goes, would be less dense than our waters and would perhaps allow the methane-eating cellular creatures that are theorized to be embiggened. I’m thinking perhaps something in the phylum of the horta.

Sadly, this information will not be forthcoming anytime soon. There is a mission set to go to Europa, but it’s not until 2022.

Good Doggy

Epic Fetch

Bright Before Me: The Signs Implore Me

Pretty much the only thing I have ever known until now about Claudine Longet is that she mounted ridiculous defense for a murder rap. And the only reason I knew that is because I was reared on Saturday Night Live.

What I didn’t know until recently is that one of Longet’s standards is one of my very favorite songs.

Goes like this:

Only, I usually hear it like this:

I mean, you can spoof on Randy Newman all you want:

But he wrote this lovely thing.

Covers of the song are not uncommon, shall we say. But you haven’t lived until you’ve heard this one:

Just sit for a moment and let that sentiment sink in: Human kindness is overflowing. And, I think it’s going to rain today. Then try not to smile. It’s really something.

So I’ve got to thank my Moms for an early birthday present. Have a look.

Last weekend was an Edinboro visit weekend, as the previous was the big family reunion. It was grand and both locations are beautiful off the charts. Plus, we had a mission, to get my Granny set up with a compyooter since the provider she’s used for years is shuttering.

The book seller lady has moved out of the mall onto Erie Street. And the world-famous Edinboro Mall is still sad. But it certainly is beautiful and an excellent locale to scout out some good cast iron. (This pan was a bargain at $22.50.)

More YouTube goodness, a wonderful Nova episode regarding Darwin and evolution:

    Recent Notes, Somehow Related
  • So, if you choose to sit in a public bathroom stall singing a song at the top of your lungs, what is the best song choice you can come up with? I learned today from an actual event that it is: “Still Rock and Roll to Me” by Billy Joel.
  • Try as you might, there is no elegant way to haul a 36-roll package of Scott Bathroom Tissue across a trendy downtown avenue.