Accidental Stupid

I wonder if Anne Tyler finds it amusing or just downright vexing that one of her most successful and excellent book titles has been co-opted (though, I surmise, it was borrowed unintentionally) by a country western artist for a song that is by all metrics a complete face-plant.

I mean, you want to root for Brad Paisley on this. He is, after all, the Lou Diamond Phillips of country music, as in, he was with this really smokin’ broad from Kansas but it turned out she was lesbionic. I don’t know about you, but that really makes me wanna root for a guy. “Gooooooooo Brad!”

Not to mention, I kind of respect the intention of “Accidental Racist.” It is, at its very least, an acknowledgment, a nod from Paisley (who, understand, was born in the non-Confederate state of West Virginia but seems to claim Tennessee as home in another single, “Southern Comfort Zone”) that, you know, racism, um, exists.

But let’s face it. If a song could walk down a city street, “Accidental Racist” would look something like this:

Oh. It’s bad. I mean, its initial premise is that the protagonist is served by an African-American gentleman at a Starbuck’s and feels a mad need to explain why he’s wearing a shirt that portrays (what I assume is) the Army of Northern Virgina battle flag or the second naval jack (which is, somewhat inexplicably, the symbol that most people refer to as the “Confederate Flag.”) And the shit that is this song just rolls downhill from there.

(At least Paisley was wise enough not to refer to that ubiquitous symbol as the “Stars and Bars.” Note to Paisley, though, a “red flag” could also refer to this or this or this; I mean, damn, did ya’ll know you were stealin’ your flag from commies and muslims?)

The simpering lyrics to this thing are here. I’m not even going to bother finding a link to the song itself. I mean, let me describe the utter badness of this song like this: In the end, rapper LL Cool J actually utters the following: “If you don’t judge my gold chains, I’ll forget the iron chains.”

Yo. Chuck. Show James how it’s done.

In Other News

Authorities said Logan Bunn fired a gun at a tree outside the home, but the bullet bounced back and hit him.

The tree is expected to invoke Iowa’s “Stand Your Ground” law.

Also Starring

“Homeless woman poops in man’s yard, bathes naked in pool…” Said she was “…passing through Palm Bay on her way to Washington DC to yell at President Obama…”

Tea Party immediately names her Pope.

I believe that marriage is among a goblin, some parchment paper, and some magic beans. (Aaron B. Pryor)

Being a Mouseketeer just became a more dangerous job. They’re now working without Annette.

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