Dear Miley Cyrus,

I would like to give you some career advice now. And here it is: Go away.

Here’s what you do. Drop out of sight for oh, five years. Move to western North Carolina. Find Jesus. Get married and start a family. Grow your hair back. Learn how to wear cowboy boots and maybe even how to ride a horse. Eat some barbecue. Hunt some deer. Pick a driver.

And work during that time on crafting a beautiful country album.

Yes, Miley. Country. It’s your legacy. And it’s the genre you’re kind of built for. I can see the album cover, even. Release the album, write a book, play the Opry.

It’s a much, much better path. And I might even buy that album.

What you’re doing right now? It’s not that you showed people your ass and bounced it up and down. It’s not that you flashed fake gang signs or whatever.

It’s that it was * awful *.

Go away. Do some growing. Then come back and lay us down some honky-tonk.

Aaron B. Pryor

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