At least he didn't eat the sofa…

My girl, her housemate and I returned to her house Saturday night apprehensive. Said housemate has a big floppy mutt (previously pictured here, but he’s a lot bigger now) that she figures has some Great Dane in him, and, well, as they say in the South, bless his heart.

They were apprehensive because he tends to eat furniture. They walked in and were very happy to find that he had not eaten any furniture. Then they explored the rest of the house.

He had eaten a copy of the housemate’s dissertation and had laid a turd in the middle of the kitchen.

I wish I could say I had come up with something as witty on the spot as to lean down to the beast, pet him on the head, and to say, “Not so crazy about the dissertation, eh, buddy?” No, I just thought of that this morning. Damnit. Instead, all I could think to point out was how glad these two were that the dog hadn’t eaten any furniture. But. But. But. But.

But he SHIT in your KITCHEN! That’s like the worst thing a dog can do! I don’t think they quite grasped that. I think perhaps the neo-medieval code of “you don’t shit where you eat” is something that only rings genuinely true if you’re a fella. And I can’t tell you how this real-life representation of this metaphor tickled me.

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