I walked into Marketview Liquor to buy some groceries. When you walk in there, you see a big weird styrofoam Jack Daniels guy and I sometimes rub his head for luck. Luck for what I don’t know. I’m in a liquor store.
Right when you walk in there the first thing you see is the bubbly on the far wall. It’s the do-it-yourself bubbly, anotherwords, it’s not cold. You buy this warm and take it home and process it yourself in your chill chest. And so there there’s a couple, he’s an older white dude and she’s a younger white girl, and they’re eyeing up the bubbly. She’s saying hun, you don’t like it too sweet. He’s like eyeing the spermati and he’s like yeah hun I know. And I’m wearing a funny hat and sunglasses; some have told me in this getup I’m almost a blues brother, they told me that just at work, Irish was like dude, where’s your harmonica.
Left it at home brother
next time. I danced a little dance and Irish was okay with that
So I thought I’d give this happy couple the secret to perfect bubbly. I did a U-Turn with my cart and I told them the secret
PROSECCO. I said. YOU WANT PROSECCO.
The broad made a goofy snark laugh at me and they kept walking.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have a telephone in front of me. I make a living sounding credible on the telephone.
Yeah, that’s it. Maybe I needed a telephone headset on. Because everything these a-holes were saying they wanted said PRESECCO. Not too sweet. Somewhat savory. Bubbly. Yummy.
Presecco, dummy. You want Presecco. They just looked at me and said YOU LOOK LIKE A RABBIT and walked on.
The only explanation I have for it is that the galaxy is a baren lonely place and we are fortunate to even exprience it for a moment.
Or 48 years.
Go on. Drink your whatever rot-gut you ended up with, you two a-holes. Prosecco. You missed it.