Show me the way to the next sushi bar. Oh, don’t ask why. Oh, don’t ask why.

I tried sushimi while in Vegas. I didn’t order it directly, I tried somebody else’s. Not to be unsophisticated or anything, but blech!

I also tried sake. Also, blech.

I’m home now, and ever so happy to be here. I got in at 1:30 a.m. Stayed up ’til like 3. Woke up and had breakfast with Uncle Johnny. Glad to be home. I missed the feta cheese and spinach and tomato omlette at Metro 29. I missed Alice the Cat (I’ve renamed her “Alice.” Don’t ask.) I missed having my own computer. I missed not having to wear a tie every day.

Now that I’m home, I can start telling everyone to read Michael Moore’s Stupid White Men. Every American should read this fabulous book. Yes, that means you.

And now, to go recover from Vegas.

Fried Goat Cheese and #24

Friends, you haven’t lived until you’ve had the opportunity to eat something called “fried goat cheese cakes.”

This is, I think, perhaps, the world’s most perfect food. After all, it has goat cheese, and it’s fried.

Other unsolicited opinions from Gomorrah West:

The world needs more men like James Carville, Tom Tomorrow, and, most of all, Bill Bradley.

I know, I know. The man has a turkey neck and two first names. I saw him speak this morning, however, and I’m telling you, he is one of the clearest thinkers this nation has to offer today. His prescription for America: “…a pluralistic democracy and a growing economy that takes more and more people to higher ground.”

I told him so, too, as I got my picture snapped with him after his speech. “I think we need you in 2004, Mr. Bradley,” said I.

The giant man standing next to me didn’t respond. I think he had jetlag, and my bet is that the little blue dot from the flash was still hovering for him.

Elevator Musik

The Bellagio has perfected elevator muzik.

When you step onto the elevator, there is no music playing. Then, once the elevator car begins its descent, music starts to play. It is always a different genre; sometimes it plays show tunes, sometime Sinatra, sometimes Baroque. It’s little details like this that makes a week’s stay at this place interesting and pleasant.

From my room, I can see the fountain waters dance. The water streams, I’ve heard, are directed by little explosions at the pool bottom. You can turn on the television in your room to a particular channel and listen to music the water dance is coordinated to. I actually stood at my window a few nights ago and watched the waters dance to Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.”

And it was actually pretty cool.

Our convention has been successful. My program with the author G.D. Gearino went over very well. I’m going to write Dan a big thank you note when I get home. “Dear Dan,” it will read, “thank you for making me look good.”

I’m ready to go home now. Unfortunately, the convention schedule disagrees with me. I have one more day.


I’m going to write a book for children about how to behave in airports. Here is a brief excerpt:

“See the pretty dog. See the pretty dog sniffing the suitcases. Pet the pretty doggie. Good doggie.”


For the record, I made it to Vegas. No terrorist attacks, no major shakedowns by overzealous security staff…I suffered nothing but boredom and fidgeting on a 5-hour (BEVERAGE ONLY) flight. The time difference is difficult to account for right now. I have already tried to attend a staff meeting two hours early.

Off to pack.

Today, I’m packing. Well, that’s the plan. I’m getting somewhat psyched about convention. It’s going to be different from previous years because I’ll be wearing a lot of hats. I’ll be busy, you bet.

It will be strange not traveling under a full moon. When I was traveling more frequently, I could always seem to count on a full moon to watch over me. I’ve seen her full and strong over the Alamo and in the middle of Vegas. I’ll miss her, though I don’t know if I’ll have much time to notice her.

I’m nervous about the trip. Nervous I won’t be able to drag my ass out of bed on time, nervous about flying, nervous about the whole security rigamarole, nervous about convention. I’m psyched, though. Looking forward to it.

Well. Thats unfortunate.

In today’s Washington Post, there is a story about one of the officers involved in the attack on Hatian immigrant Abner Louima being released on $1 million bond. Louima, you’ll remember, was treated by New York’s finest to an asstickle with a broom handle.

This is an actual paragraph from this story. I am not making this up.

“Louima eventually received an $8.75 million settlement from the city of New York and the police union, and moved last year to the Miami area with his wife and three children—in part, he said, to try to put his painful past behind him.”

BJP Jukey B

20 Minute Loop – Face Like A Horse.mp3

20 Minute Loop – She Hated Dogs.mp3

After the Fire – Der Kommisar.mp3

Alabama Thunderpussy – Falling Behind.mp3

Alien Ant Farm – Smooth Criminal.mp3

Allstonians – Mariachi Go Ska.mp3

Ant, Adam – Goody Two Shoes.mp3

Aphex Twin – 4.mp3

Aphex Twin – Cornish Acid.mp3

Aphex Twin – Fingerbib.mp3

Aphex Twin – Peek.mp3

Apple, Fiona – Criminal.mp3

Apple, Fiona – Sleep to Dream.mp3

ATP – Spineless.mp3

Badly Drawn Boy – Once Around the Block.mp3

Ben Stern Megamix.mp3

Benny Goodman – Sing Sing Sing.mp3

Bim Skala Bim – Good Dog Ska.mp3

Bim Skala Bim – Line To You.mp3

Bim Skala Bim – Lorraine.mp3

Bjork – Enjoy.mp3

Blues Traveler – Hook.mp3

Bowie, David – Ricochet.mp3

Breeders – Last Splash.mp3

Brooks, Garth – Friends in Low Places.mp3

CIV – Itchycoo Park.mp3

Coldplay – Yellow.mp3

Cure – A Letter To Elise.mp3

Cure – Hot Hot Hot!!! (Extended Mix).mp3

Cure – Just Like A Dream.mp3

D12 – Purple Pills.mp3

Daft Punk – Aerodynamic.mp3

Daft Punk – Around the World.mp3

Daft Punk – One More Time (Club Mix).mp3

Daft Punk – Superheroes.mp3

Dag – Supercollider.mp3

David & David – All Alone in the Big City.mp3

David & David – Swimming In The Ocean.mp3

Dayroom – Cheap Wine.mp3

De La Soul – Oodles of O’s.mp3

Dead Milkmen – Air Crash Museum.mp3

DeeeLite Theme.mp3

Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus.mp3

Devo – Are You Experienced.mp3

Devo – Girl U Want.mp3

Devo – Speed Racer.mp3

Dickey Lee – I Saw Linda Yesterday.mp3

DMP – God Bless Me and You.mp3

DMP – Richie Havens.mp3

DMX – Party Up.mp3

Donovan – Stuck In The Middle With You.mp3

Doobie Brothers – Takin’ It To The Streets.mp3

Drowning Pool – Bodies.mp3

Ella Fitzgerald – Hard-Hearted Hannah.mp3

Epitones – Boyo.mp3

Fatboyslim – Weapon Of Choice.mp3

Fishbone – Swim.mp3


Forgotten Souls BB – Big Chief.mp3

Frehley, Ace – Back in the New York Groove.mp3

Gabriel, Peter – The Tree That Went Up.mp3

Gaye, Marvin – Got to Give it Up.mp3

Geggy Tah – Whoever You Are.mp3

Genesis – Brazilian.mp3

Genesis – Keep It Dark.mp3

Grateful Dead – Standing on the Moon.mp3

Gray, Macy – Caligula.mp3

Hagar, Sammy – Shaka Doobie .mp3

Hardknox – Fire Like This.mp3

Heart – Sing Child.mp3

Holly, Buddy – Not Fade Away.mp3

Holly, Buddy – Rave On.mp3

Jump With Joey – Jack Lord Ska.mp3

Kid Rock – Bawitdaba.mp3

Kingdom Come – Get It On.mp3

Limp Bizkit – Break Stuff.mp3

Limp Bizkit – Nookie.mp3

LL Cool J – I Make My Own Rules.mp3

Mack, Craig – Flavor in Your Ear.mp3

Mamas – Dream a Little Dream.mp3

Manfred Mann – Blinded by the light.mp3

Marylin Manson – Beautiful People.mp3

Marylin Manson – Suck for your Solution.mp3

Mellencamp, John – Rave On.mp3

Metallica – Enter Sandman.mp3

MMBT – Simmer Down.mp3

Moby – Bodyrock.mp3

Moby – Find My Baby.mp3

Moby – Honey.mp3

Money, Eddie – Two Tickets.mp3

O’Connor, Sinead – I Am Stretched On Your Grave.mp3

Outkast – Ms. Jackson.mp3

Prince – 2 Nigs United 4 West Compton.mp3

Prince – Gett Off (Extended).mp3

Prince – Mountains (Extended).mp3

Prince – Push It Up.mp3

Prodigy – Smack My Bitch Up.mp3

Reed, Lou – Walk on the Wild Side.mp3

Reel Big Fish – Take On Me.mp3

Robinson, Smokey – I’ve Been Good To You.mp3

Ruby – This Is.mp3

Rundgren, Todd – Hello, It’s Me.mp3

Save Ferris – Come On Eileen.mp3

September ’67 – Busy Building.mp3

Skatalites – Right Now.mp3

Skatalites – S’Kool.mp3

Skatalites – Skalloween.mp3

Sleeping Giants – Giant Steps.mp3

Sonic Youth – Bull In The Heather.mp3

Soulwax – Much Against Everyone’s Advice.mp3

Specials – Pressure Drop.mp3

Spinners – Rubber Band Man.mp3

Springsteen, Bruce – Blinded by the Light.mp3

Squatweiler – Colorado.mp3

Squier, Billy – Emotions in Motion.mp3

Squier, Billy – Everybody Wants You.mp3

Squier, Billy – Rock Me Tonight.mp3

Stomp – Ripper Sole.mp3

Sunless Day – Harmony.mp3

T.Rex – 20th Century Boy.mp3

Taste of Honey – Boogie Oogie Oogie.mp3

TLC – Waterfalls.mp3

TMBG – Nothing’s Gonna Change My Clothes.mp3

They Might Be Giants (TMBG) – Ana Ng

TMBG – Birdhouse In Your Soul

They Might Be Giants (TMBG) – Cage & Aquarium

They Might Be Giants (TMBG) – Cowtown

TMBG – Dead.mp3

They Might Be Giants (TMBG) – Drinking

TMBG – I’m Def.mp3

TMBG – I’ve Got A Match.mp3

TMBG – Istanbul.mp3

TMBG – Kiss Me Son Of God.mp3

TMBG – Letterbox.mp3

TMBG – Lie Still, Little Bottle.mp3

TMBG – Lucky Ball & Chain.mp3

TMBG – Mr. Me.mp3

TMBG – Particle Man.mp3

TMBG – Pencil Rain.mp3

TMBG – Piece Of Dirt.mp3

TMBG – Purple Toupee.mp3

TMBG – Sapphire Bullets.mp3

TMBG – Shoehorn With Teeth.mp3

TMBG – Someone Keeps Moving My Chair.mp3

TMBG – The World’s Address.mp3

TMBG – We Want A Rock.mp3

They Might Be Giants (TMBG) – Where Your Eyes Don’t Go

TMBG – Whistling in the Dark

They Might Be Giants (TMBG) – Yeh Yeh

Various Artists – Bib Records – Maxwell Smart – The Toasters

U2 – Elevation

Velveteens – Beetlejuice

Wailers, Toots – Lively Up Yourself.mp3

Wainwright, Rufus – Instant Pleasure.mp3

Wilde, Kim – Kids in America.mp3

Zeppelin – Hey Hey What Can I Do.mp3

Zeppelin – Moby Montreaux.mp3

Zeppelin – Travelin’ Riverside Blues.mp3

Zombie, Rob – Great American Nightmare.mp3