Dresden, NY

March 19, 2012
I drive alone to Dresden, NY, eager for a road trip, having not had an excuse for one in quite some time. It’s a beautiful day, untimely for upstate New York, with the crisp air just shaking the snow off its boots.

I drive mostly on thruway to the Seneca Lake area and came upon Geneva, New York, a lively little downtown, and I am pleased. I like lively little main streets like this; this is what Candidate Obama was talking about, Main Street versus Wall Street. Little shops and taverns and oh, a little music store I’ll visit on my way back.

I leave Geneva toward Dresden and am pleased to find myself deep in New York winery country. I pass winery after winery and spent grape bushes galore. I let the windows open to let the chilly wind rush around a little, and I’m blasting De La Soul’s 3 Feet High and Rising.

I find Dresden eventually. It’s a crossroads. It’s so little there that you find yourself looking for the rest of it, and then I’m driving down a road ravine with signs warning that there’s actually no way to turn around. I figure I’d better find a way to do so before I’m sucked in to whatever black hole awaits. And then to my right is my destination, the Robert Green Ingersoll Birthplace Museum.

Within five minutes of peering into the windows, I realize that it is closed to tourists except for on Saturdays and Sundays, information I did not somehow manage to glean from the World Wide Web. I take a few snapshots, stand for a moment to take the whole place in, including the smallest Post Office I have ever seen just across the street, and I get in my car and drive back.

Some might mark this road trip as a failure. No such thing. I will return to Dresden someday. Perhaps even when this place is open.

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My interest in Robert Ingersoll stems from the writing of Susan Jacoby in Freethinkers: A History of American Secularism, an excellent book that any blogger endeavoring on the BAT should have a well-thumbed copy of. Ingersoll is one of her book’s showpieces, and as well he should be. He was known as a Civil War hero, a colonel indeed captured and then paroled by the South; as one of the great orators of his time; and as the “Great Agnostic.” He is the reason you know the name “Thomas Paine.” He was a spirited member of the Republican party and indeed spoke at one of that party’s convention to nominate a candidate to the floor (who was then not nominated).

He was one of the great Americans, a man I am coming to think of as that generation’s King of Late Night. And, as I may allude to here so many times it might become cloying: You’ve probably never heard of him.

One of the biggest things Robert Ingersoll accomplished: He resurrected Thomas Paine, who died broke and screwed. His country had twice turned its back on him, once to let him rot in a French prison. Theodore Roosevelt called Paine a “filthy little atheist…that apparently esteems a bladder of dirty water as the proper weapon with which to assail Christianity.”

Jacoby continues: “Were it not for the unremitting efforts of Ingersoll, who, despite his nineteenth-century fame and notoriety, is ignored in standard American history texts, Paine’s vital contributions to the revolutionary cause might have suffered the same fate. Unfortunately , no champion arose in the twentieth century to do for Ingersoll what Ingersoll did for Paine.

Well. I’m not sure I’d say I’m a “champion,” Susan, but we can sure get started, and what better occasion for this than the world-famous Blog Against Theocracy?
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A few things to know about Ingersoll: Walt Whitman considered him to be the greatest orator of his time.

“It should not be surprising that I am drawn to Ingersoll, for he is Leaves of Grass,” said Whitman of his friend. “He lives, embodies, the individuality, I preach. I see in Bob [Ingersoll] the noblest specimen—”American-flavored”—pure out of the soil, spreading, giving, demanding light.”

Novelist Sherwood Anderson had Ingersoll as a character in his novel Poor White, so persuasive a speaker that he “…came to [a small Midwest town] to speak . . . , and after he had gone the question of the divinity of Christ for months occupied the minds of the citizens.”

Ingersoll is mentioned in Sinclair Lewis’ novel Elmer Gantry, where Gantry’s friend Jim Lefferts suggests using an Ingersol sermon, “love is the only bow on life’s dark cloud,” but Gantry opts not to credit Ingersoll. “Rats!” exclaims Gantry. “Chances are nobody there tonight has ever read Ingersoll. Agin him. Besides I’ll kind of change it around.”

Colonel Bob Mountain in Washington state was named for Robert Ingersoll.

I kind of throw these facts up there to emphasize the stature of the man in his day. He was, as I’ve come to think of him, the Johnny Carson of his day.

What was mass media then, after all? Books and newspapers. The theater, and, perhaps, the symphony. Or, you went to see a guy give a speech. And the guy who is considered one of the best at the speech-making is Robert Ingersoll. He’s lauded for his monologues, and his ratings are through the roof.

He’s the King of Late Night of the time.

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Current TV: Firing Olbermann ‘Part of a Broad Strategy’

Producers at Current TV say today’s firing of well-known and popular liberal firebrand Keith Olbermann is part of a larger strategy: Irrelevance and unwatchability.

Current insiders said Olbermann’s “Countdown” flew in the face of the channel’s programming strategy, running long, drab shows about miserable social issues halfway around the world, as well as programming showcasing America’s drug trade, and bride trafficking. And An Inconvenient Truth

“The big boss was becoming concerned that there was one hour per day when people were actually watching the network,” said channel producer Lou Grant. “There’d be meetings where Al [Gore] was like, what are we going to do with this Olbermann and people actually watching us? The next thing you know, we’ll be expected to sell advertising.”

Olbermann’s visibility also detracted from others of Current’s strategies: To hire every former Air America Radio host to put them on TV while still being annoying and unwatchable even to liberals who walk around frothing at the mouth.

“Liberals were used to tuning in to Countdown for 8 p.m. for years. It was a time-tested program with a guy who had consistently shown that he could deliver the audience,”said another producer. “Liberals adore Olbermann and remember him fondly as the lone broadcaster who first stood up to the rogue tyranny of Don Rumsfeld and the Bush administration. Why in hell would we want to have anything to do with that?”

Hamburgers, or Why I Now Own an Infrared Thermometer

One of my little life missions right now is to understand how to correctly create a delicious hamburger, and I am having a hell of a time getting it right.

I did the burgers on Monday, and while they were damned good, I got lucky because the meat was good, not the cook. Despite my better knowledge, I did a lot of things wrong.

I worked the meat too hard in the bowl when I was seasoning. I used garlic powder. Bleh. I packed the individual burgers into a plate, working the fat in the meat way too hard and making the patties too thin. I likely ended up with an overheated cast iron skillet and left them on too long, concerned that the cheese would not melt correctly in time.

They were still delicious. But that spoke to the quality of the meat, which came from a fresh cow purchased by my household and stuck into their freezer. The meat was sublime. The cook did not fuck it up but did not add skill and grace and patience to the program to elevate that food even higher.

I’m learning though. I figure if you’re going to bother to cook with cast iron, you should take the time to figure out how to use it most effectively. So I went to Home Depot and bought an infrared thermometer. This is, I figure, the only way to learn better how to control the temperature of your cooking surface. And I do not figure that burgers require a 600-800 degree cooking surface, as might a nice steak. Burgers can likely do best at 350 to 400, I figure. You want to cook them hot and fast, true, but this is not a solid piece of muscle and bone you’re slapping down. It’s meat that was run through a grinder. It’s a bit soft and will not require immense temps to be perfect.

Thus, the temperature Gatling gun. I want to know what surface heat will cook that sucker the best and to learn how to gauge my times appropriately. I think if you’re cooking with cast iron, there’s a whole ‘nother set of rules about temperature than if you’re used to you usual aluminum anodized skillet or whatever. Because cast iron can get to 350 in like ten minutes at a setting of about 3 on the gas.

This is, you might say, way too much hand-wringing about a damned hamburger. But if I can get a method down to consistently lay down a perfect juicy burger each and every time, I can understand more about other kinds of cooking. Cooking is learning. Eating is learning. And right now, I seem to be fixated on the hamburger.

Never Marry a Theme

If I had advice to those who use a third-party hosted piece of software, such as a content management system, such as, say, WordPress which I utilize for fun, or, say, ProStores, which I utilize as part of my day job, it would be this: Don’t Marry a Theme.

Flexibility in this regard is key and can improve the functionality of your site. Worry about if it works before you worry about if it’s pretty. You can always hang up a new placard later.

So I had to change this theme here tonight; had to. The old one was doing something dreadful and I do not want to mess around trying to fix it. The damned thing was closing my comments despite the current settings, and I received a comment tonight that simply must go up, from the late Pete Schoettler’s wife, acknowledging my post about his passing and his brief career as a drum major, and I was not going to allow her comment not to be seen here.

Sorry Mom. As much as you like the old theme with me in the old Superman outfit, that theme gots to go. It wasn’t workin’.

And Nina, I’m so glad you found my post. Thank you.

The Disaster That Is Gmail

Once upon a time, the makers of the most ubiquitous search engine in the world set out to create the most ubiquitous e-mail system in the world.

They made it light and simple and elegant. And they introduced a completely new concept to e-mail: Rather than e-mail being individual, disembodied messages, e-mail is actually a conversation and should be constructed as such.

This is how Gmail worked initially, and it was awesome. I was sold at the time by Gmail’s ability to handle e-mails as conversations, but I also enjoyed how simple and elegant it was and how easy and efficient that made navigation.

Why is it that a company creates such a simple, wonderful tool and then eventually loads it up with clutter that eventually makes it impossible to use?

That time has come with Gmail, and, by way of digression, Twitter as well. Gmail these days is next to impossible to use. My window is cluttered with chat buddies, a feature that I never configured and buddies I never added, and commands are now run by icons that are about as intuitive as trying to read a bowl of soup.

Gmail was once a breath of fresh air, such a grand new service that it not only improved e-mail, it actually elevated it. It has recently become a bucket of mush.

This is why my e-mail is moving to a new service. I’ll let ya know if you need to know.

The Voice > Idol

Of all the godamm things I feel compelled to come back to my blog to write about and it’s NBC’s The Voice. Am I that shallow?

Okay. So I am. Whatever.

I have just gotten done watching this television program for the first time, having just watched episodes one and two of season two on-demand. I have, in previous seasons, been known to watch the Idol. And friends, I’m here to tell you: The Voice is Idol’s smarter, better, faster cousin.

Let’s face it: Idol is a disorganized mess. There are judges, and the judges and their drama eclipses the show. Then sometimes these “coaches” come in and offer some idiotic platitudes about singing from your diaphragm and crap, and then there’s the Idol Cares segment, which is when you get up from your chair and go off to drop a load or have a sandwich or something. It’s a mess. I’d say it’s a Jackson Pollock painting, but even Pollock watches Idol from the grave and he’s all like “What a fucking mess! What the hell is that supposed to be?”

The Voice, however, was designed with nifty, contoured edges. The “judges” ARE coaches, looking to build a team for competition. They sit in big red barber chairs facing away from the performer, so they have only the voice to help them choose. If they are for the performer, they bop a button and the big chair turns around so they can see said performer. If more than one coach selects a performer, then the performer must choose what team to be on, and the coaches can argue their case.

These are the television producers you want on your team, people. It is clear that these geniuses of media designed this show utilizing a flow chart, unlike those who designed the Idol, which was clearly created by throwing balogna at one another’s bare asses.

And. Not only is this program’s planning and execution terrific. But at the start of episode #2, the coaches, who are Christina Aguilera (have I mentioned that, secretly, I am a fan?), CeeeLo (formerly of Goodie Mob and currently of whatever the heck he wants), Adam Levine of Maroon 5 (whose band turned in a killer performance live and early in the morning on The Howard Stern Show) and some country guy, performed a medley of music by this guy called Prince.

This performance could have easily sucked. But it did not suck. Because, clearly, someone who actually knows and loves the Purple Guy’s music put the thing together. I mean, if you’re doing a Prince medley and you include “I Wanna Be Your Lover,” you’re a fan. Only a cover of “She’s Always In My Hair” or “Let’s Pretend We’re Married” would have further knocked off my socks. I’m not sure what purpose this performance played, but it did not suck, as well it could have.

As I said, I have watched the Idol show there previously, and I couldn’t help but to feel drowned in its own pomposity. The Voice is a much better alternative if you insist on watching one of these silly televised talent programs. Which, apparently, I do.

Hint From Abelard: Natural Peanut Butter

I don’t know about you, but I prefer “natural” peanut butter of the Smucker’s variety. I find the other brands, well, they taste peanutty and all, but for me, there’s no texture or flavor like the one that a natural butter can impart.

But, as we all know, that stuff is a pain in the ass. It’s delivered with an inch of peanut oil on the top, and you’re supposed to stir it in, but dude, it’s PEANUT BUTTER. You cannot just reach in there with a spoon and create a decent emulsion.

The solution is also a pain in the ass. But it works. It will provide you with a well blended, smooth, yummy natural peanut butter that can be refrigerated (as it ought to be) but that will spread reliably, even just out of the chill box.

Goes like this: When you first open the jar, dump all of the contents into a KitchenAid bowl and give it a good four-minute mix, then move the contents back into the jar. You will create a lovely emulsion that will last all the way to the bottom, a creamy, spreadable mass.